Growing Relationships:
Enneagram Type Seven (the Enthusiast) (Miss.Allegro)
with
Enneagram Type Nine (The PeaceMaker) (Miss.Ember)
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
Enneagram Sevens and Nines are one of the most often seen pairings of the types because they bring a good mix of similar and opposite qualities. Fundamentally, Sevens and Nines are both positive outlook types who are optimistic, upbeat, and who prefer to avoid conflicts and negatives in their lives and in their relationship. Both types are friendly, sociable, and generally happy with themselves and with their lives. Neither is typically introspective or brooding, preferring to get on with things rather than to look backward or to stew over failures or disappointments. Both are able to forgive and forget and to make the best of their limitations, whatever they might be. They might be separated physically or have few financial means, but Sevens and Nines can make the best of these circumstances and continue to build their future together. Both tend to be practical, although both can have a romantic streak and a physicality that adds spice to their relationship. Both are also often funny and can make even the most mundane events pleasurable and pleasant. Sevens provide the stimulation, Nines the audience.
On the complementary opposite side, Sevens are more active and self-assertive than Nines; they tend to take initiatives, to make plans, to have multiple interests, and to provide the energy for the couple. Sevens are mentally quick, self-confident, curious, open to new experiences, and resilient when there are setbacks. They bring the fun, sparkle, and sense of adventure. Nines bring a sense of steadiness, support, and acceptance to the relationship. They tend to be more sympathetic and soft hearted than Sevens, as well as more relaxed and undemanding of themselves and their environment, including other people. Nines are also often generous and willing to make personal sacrifices to help others and to make them happy. Their personal simplicity and uncomplicatedness meshes well with the more assertive qualities of the Seven. As long as neither takes advantage of the other, there is a good balance between energy and relaxation in this couple.
Potential Trouble Spots or Issues
One of the main areas for potential problems is the fact that neither Sevens nor Nines are usually adept at working through negative or painful aspects of their lives or of the relationship. Both would prefer everything be kept on the positive side; neither one wants to fall into the possibility of depression or to otherwise cut off their chance for happiness. At most, they will briefly acknowledge a problem or conflict in their relationship by blaming the other: both types tend to become anxious, critical, and edgy when under stress, taking these things out on someone else rather than working through negative feelings themselves. Both types also tend to be blind to their own share of responsibility for how the relationship has deteriorated, including their own contribution to communication problems. Nines tend to collapse in the face of the Seven's angry demands, withdrawing into silence and, eventually, inaction. They become increasingly unable to make sense of the Seven's grievances, and so they become stubborn and shut down further, with occasional outbursts of anger or anxiety, or both.
Of the two types, Sevens are far more equipped to talk about whatever is bothering them than Nines, although this does not mean that Sevens are necessarily more able to face what is really bothering them much less resolve it. Sevens tend to impulsively say whatever comes to mind and to fall into excoriating verbal abuse of the Nine whenever the Seven feels frustrated. Sevens often feel that the Nine is too checked out and unresponsive to them. Nines seem perpetually indecisive, slow, and ineffectual. Sevens' criticisms and outright contempt for the unresponsiveness of the Nine only makes Nines retreat further from them and disengage from the situation. However, Sevens often feel that they cannot help themselves and that honesty demands that they tell the Nine how unhappy they are with them. One of the sunniest and most carefree couples can become one of the most hopelessly tortured if they become unwilling or unable to really talk with each other.
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